December 23, 1999
Orange County, CA.
Well, Folks, this is the last time you're gonna hear from me this
millennium, but before I go, I wanna tell you all about our last tour. We
started this one in Alberta, Canada. Our first and second shows were in Calgary.
On the second night I slipped on some bubble juice, which had leaked out of one
of the machines, and fell on my ass right in the middle of the solo in "Feelings."
I know some of you already know this, because I read about it in our website's
bulletin board. Apparently some of you think that this is really funny. Well
you're not alone. No one thinks that this kind of thing is funnier than Greg K,
does. It is a running joke with Greg that he sleeps really good at night after
one of us takes a spill on stage, especially if it is me who goes tumbling. I
think that Greg also slept very well after the Portland show when the firehose
knocked Dexter backwards over one of the monitors. Greg is not a big fan of some
of the schtick we do on stage, so when it comes back to bite us in the ass, he
sleeps like a baby.
We decided to have a little fun on this tour, so we brought out with us a real
live entourage. We had three dancers, two horn players, two professional
wrestlers, two little people (don't call them midgets), and various drunken
friends of ours. The dancers, Kimi, Nadine, and Cher, joined us on stage during
a few songs, mainly as the "Pretty Fly" girls. The first night that they came
out on stage, I had a hard time concentrating on what it was I was supposed to
be playing. They were great. They were very nice and sweet off stage, but on
stage they were just explosive. They even tossed faux-fly guy Chris Thomas into
the pit every night. It was fun to watch the transformation.
"Babes, Security, and a Drunk"
The horn players, Jason on sax and Phil on trumpet, joined us for "Intermission"
and "Why Don't You Get A Job." It was cool to see some of our songs grow and
change throughout the year, even up to the last show. The horns really added a
lot. I should mention that Jason, who we nicknamed "Smooth," first joined us in
South America with his friend Doug on trombone. Phil couldn't make the S.A. tour
so he joined us in Canada..
The wrestlers, Sean and Sergio, didn't really have a specific role. We just
wanted someone to hang out and look big and intimidating. After a while they
started to get into it though. They would walk out into the audience and take
pictures with the crowd, shouting wrestler shouts and posing in wrestler poses.
They also joined us on stage, mainly during intermission.
"Noodles and his protection"
Certainly not the least of our entourage were the little people (watch it!).
Jeff and Selwin fulfilled the role of personal security for the band. These two
guys stood on the side of the stage and protected us from drunken stage-divers
who, once they saw the distance from the stage to the pit, had second thoughts
about diving. It turned out that Jeff was a fan of the band and fit in right
away, behaving just as badly as the rest of us. Selwin had never heard of The
Offspring before and had no idea what we were all about, yet he jumped right in
and only behaved slightly better than the rest of us. Selwin is the actor who
plays the DJ in "Boogie Nights." As security guards both of them took their jobs
pretty seriously, but Jeff went above and beyond the call when some drunken girl
at a bar one night tried to kick Fitzjoy's ass. This girl was drunk and just
bugging the shit out of everybody while we were trying to chill out at a bar
after the show, so Fitz told her to leave. She went ballistic and started
swinging and kicking at him. That's when Jeff, who is about four-and-a-half feet
tall picked her up and pulled her away from Fitz. He literally picked this girl
up over his head while she was kicking and screaming for blood. He proved
himself to be quite a badass.
"Noodles and his Posse"
With all these people on board, the shows were more fun than ever. The
crowded stage felt like a party at times. So did the crowded dressing rooms,
crowded catering rooms, and crowded bars after each show. And everyone got along
really well, considering how many different people we had from different
backgrounds all traveling together in the same busses. Even "Blackball" Jason
Maclean wasn't able to piss anyone off too bad, nor did I hear Rick Shipley say,
"You hate me, don't you?" even once. Add to this assortment The Vandals and
Jughead's Revenge, who were supporting the tour, and the fun increases ten-fold.
I've already said way too much in praise of The Vandals, but Jughead's is also a
great band. They cover a song called "I Dig Pain" which is from an old episode
of "C.H.I.P.s." You remember; John and Ponch? This was long before every family
had at least one kid with green hair, and punkers were still being maligned in
bad TV shows (ever see the "Quincy" episode?). Anyways, Jughead's Revenge have
been playing hardcore punk for years and they still rock, so check them out.
"Bye You Guys!"
Well this has been a truly amazing year. From headlining bigger shows than I
ever thought possible, to finally being able to join The Dickies on stage and
actually play guitar with them. So what if Woodstock sucked; The Reading
festival ruled. So did playing the 13th Floor in Huntington Beach and the Garage
in London. We got to play in front of more people this last year than ever
before, and yet we were still not quite out of the clubs. It's been a great
I want to thank all you guys for checking in on us here. Even though we are
probably not going to tour till we put out another record, we'll still have
plenty to keep you up to date on. And if things really do slow down, I'll just
make some shit up, so keep checking in. Thanks again for making 1999 one of my
best years ever.
Take it easy,