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> > > 23 Grudnia 1999 < < <

From: Noodles
December 23, 1999
Orange County, CA.


Well, Folks, this is the last time you're gonna hear from me this millennium, but before I go, I wanna tell you all about our last tour. We started this one in Alberta, Canada. Our first and second shows were in Calgary. On the second night I slipped on some bubble juice, which had leaked out of one of the machines, and fell on my ass right in the middle of the solo in "Feelings." I know some of you already know this, because I read about it in our website's bulletin board. Apparently some of you think that this is really funny. Well you're not alone. No one thinks that this kind of thing is funnier than Greg K, does. It is a running joke with Greg that he sleeps really good at night after one of us takes a spill on stage, especially if it is me who goes tumbling. I think that Greg also slept very well after the Portland show when the firehose knocked Dexter backwards over one of the monitors. Greg is not a big fan of some of the schtick we do on stage, so when it comes back to bite us in the ass, he sleeps like a baby.

We decided to have a little fun on this tour, so we brought out with us a real live entourage. We had three dancers, two horn players, two professional wrestlers, two little people (don't call them midgets), and various drunken friends of ours. The dancers, Kimi, Nadine, and Cher, joined us on stage during a few songs, mainly as the "Pretty Fly" girls. The first night that they came out on stage, I had a hard time concentrating on what it was I was supposed to be playing. They were great. They were very nice and sweet off stage, but on stage they were just explosive. They even tossed faux-fly guy Chris Thomas into the pit every night. It was fun to watch the transformation.


"Babes, Security, and a Drunk"

The horn players, Jason on sax and Phil on trumpet, joined us for "Intermission" and "Why Don't You Get A Job." It was cool to see some of our songs grow and change throughout the year, even up to the last show. The horns really added a lot. I should mention that Jason, who we nicknamed "Smooth," first joined us in South America with his friend Doug on trombone. Phil couldn't make the S.A. tour so he joined us in Canada..

The wrestlers, Sean and Sergio, didn't really have a specific role. We just wanted someone to hang out and look big and intimidating. After a while they started to get into it though. They would walk out into the audience and take pictures with the crowd, shouting wrestler shouts and posing in wrestler poses. They also joined us on stage, mainly during intermission.


"Noodles and his protection"

Certainly not the least of our entourage were the little people (watch it!). Jeff and Selwin fulfilled the role of personal security for the band. These two guys stood on the side of the stage and protected us from drunken stage-divers who, once they saw the distance from the stage to the pit, had second thoughts about diving. It turned out that Jeff was a fan of the band and fit in right away, behaving just as badly as the rest of us. Selwin had never heard of The Offspring before and had no idea what we were all about, yet he jumped right in and only behaved slightly better than the rest of us. Selwin is the actor who plays the DJ in "Boogie Nights." As security guards both of them took their jobs pretty seriously, but Jeff went above and beyond the call when some drunken girl at a bar one night tried to kick Fitzjoy's ass. This girl was drunk and just bugging the shit out of everybody while we were trying to chill out at a bar after the show, so Fitz told her to leave. She went ballistic and started swinging and kicking at him. That's when Jeff, who is about four-and-a-half feet tall picked her up and pulled her away from Fitz. He literally picked this girl up over his head while she was kicking and screaming for blood. He proved himself to be quite a badass.


"Noodles and his Posse"

With all these people on board, the shows were more fun than ever. The crowded stage felt like a party at times. So did the crowded dressing rooms, crowded catering rooms, and crowded bars after each show. And everyone got along really well, considering how many different people we had from different backgrounds all traveling together in the same busses. Even "Blackball" Jason Maclean wasn't able to piss anyone off too bad, nor did I hear Rick Shipley say, "You hate me, don't you?" even once. Add to this assortment The Vandals and Jughead's Revenge, who were supporting the tour, and the fun increases ten-fold. I've already said way too much in praise of The Vandals, but Jughead's is also a great band. They cover a song called "I Dig Pain" which is from an old episode of "C.H.I.P.s." You remember; John and Ponch? This was long before every family had at least one kid with green hair, and punkers were still being maligned in bad TV shows (ever see the "Quincy" episode?). Anyways, Jughead's Revenge have been playing hardcore punk for years and they still rock, so check them out.


"Bye You Guys!"

Well this has been a truly amazing year. From headlining bigger shows than I ever thought possible, to finally being able to join The Dickies on stage and actually play guitar with them. So what if Woodstock sucked; The Reading festival ruled. So did playing the 13th Floor in Huntington Beach and the Garage in London. We got to play in front of more people this last year than ever before, and yet we were still not quite out of the clubs. It's been a great fucking year!

I want to thank all you guys for checking in on us here. Even though we are probably not going to tour till we put out another record, we'll still have plenty to keep you up to date on. And if things really do slow down, I'll just make some shit up, so keep checking in. Thanks again for making 1999 one of my best years ever.


Take it easy,

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